Don't get me wrong, I love a good roller coaster here.
For the most part I can look back and say... I did it, I made it, I can learn from this, I can move on...
This time my heart hurts, and I have questioned why... A LOT.
It has been almost a month since my mom took her last breath... a month since I held her hand as she passed from this earth... a month since I left my family here in Texas thinking I would be back in a few days when grandma was back on her feet... a month since I stood with my dad and siblings asking Heavenly Father to give us the strength we need to let her go...
I miss her...
I grieve for my dad...
I grieve for my children...
I grieve for my siblings...
I grieve for me...
I have had to stop myself the past few weeks from calling her phone, because I knew she would have the answer. Just days before I flew to Knoxville I was talking to her on the phone about a few things going on in my life, and her word were so reassuring... "oh, Sis, things will work out, they always do"... not sure how this, is the "working out" part.
I know there is a greater plan than the one I have and sometimes my course needs to be corrected a bit... just didn't want this. Do we ever?
I have had an amazing earthly mother for almost 42 years. She raised me to be who I am today and for that I am blessed.
I will write more about her passing and services, but tonight I am going to cry, again...
Yes, even the ugly snot cry that Juli told me is best to do in the shower...
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| Last family picture before they left on their mission to Knoxville TN May 2013 |
1 comment:
oh mortality. so hard. my heart goes out to you friend. i have been thinking about you a lot. when they push the sand up into a mountain and moonlight we will go sledding and think of you again.
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